don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
