haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize