I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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