hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize