im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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