she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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