It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
