I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
