You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize