I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
