My friends, they love my intelligence
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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