I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
