Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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