so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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