Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
