I feel like I'm in dance class right now
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I FOUND THE LEGS
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
