Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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