I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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