Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
