i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
