Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
