Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
