I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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