Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
