I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
