Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
