I feel great
I just peed on a car
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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