I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
