Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
