Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
