he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
