my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
