Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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