you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
