I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
