also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
