I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Randomize
