I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize