Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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