I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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