Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
