...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
be right there i have to get my cape
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
