we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
