wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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