I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
