She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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