we have officially lost it.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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