That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
