Christians are straight up FREAKS
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
it's great music for shaving your balls
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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