Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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