he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
