she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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