How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
