Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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