party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
