i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
