At least make sure they are 18
Why
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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