careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
