im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize