is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
