It's like God shit irony all over that family
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
