Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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