I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
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