Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
