would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
