DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
