More tranny stories later!
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
