We're facebook friends in real life
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
