Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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