I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
