I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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